Oh the Humanity-Again

It’s been a long while since I tried to fabricate a coherent thought and vomit it out in written form for the small amount of people who read my blather. Writing while fired up or angry has suited me in the past but I have been told that I am sometimes too simple, too aggressive and not grounded in political correctness. Ahem. Fuck you! Starting with the first thing that I can remember that pisses me off; 1) Our Beliefs – Whether it is our political affiliations, our stance on Gay marriage or basically anything involving society as an actual group with opinions and feelings- Don’t tell me I have to agree with anything. My opinion is my opinion for my own reasons. I don’t have to agree or approve of anything if I don’t truly support it. I was never for or against Gay Marriage for the simple reason – I Don’t Care! I don’t have a dog in this fight and if two same sex persons want to go out and lose half of their belongings if the marriage ends that is their decision-not mine. Join the party pal. But nooooo! If you don’t support Gay Marriage you’re a homophobe, cretin or dinosaur. Maybe you’re all three of those things in no particular order. So you can be an overbearing banner waving causist but I can’t be neutral in my opinion? That sounds fair. “Exaggerated sensitiveness is an expression of the feeling of inferiority. “ Alfred Adler 2) Following up on the last smattering of insults – Gun Control. This is a tough one. If all the guns on the planet were melted down into structural steel we would still, in the name of religion, mental instability or need for over compensation revert to flinging rocks and poop at each other. Maybe if we got rid of religion we wouldn’t have so many guns? 3) Banner Waving Causists- Before you speak I suggest you actually write down what your message is and if you tell me that by doing what you want will save just one life, or that I need to think of the children I will punch you in the throat. Your cause is not necessarily my cause. So don’t call me wrong or misguided for not supporting you. 4) Loud Talkers. Talking loudly does not make you right or even remotely interesting. If you were interesting people would listen to you but as it sits right now you’re not interesting, you’re just loud…and annoying. I’d move across the room but I’d still hear you clearly over there so I will just leave because you are such a needy annoying turd that you have become a fun vacuum that you have sucked any possible enjoyment out of the night, unless of course there was a bet to see if anyone could actually toss a pool ball into your mouth while you’re being loud with a side bet of whether or not you would notice. Takers? 5) Turning signals. Don’t be an ass. Use your turning signals properly while driving. As much as I enjoy testing my mental telepathy as often as possible myself and all the other drivers with a clue would really appreciate your courtesy and common sense by the simple effective usage of your turning signals. 6) Ask the question. We all ask questions. Some of us even ask intelligent necessary questions when faced with a situation we are unfamiliar with. There’s a trick to asking a question- it’s called actually asking the damn question. Don’t dance around the root of your inquiry with supposition. Just ask the question you need or want answered. Translating your ten minute babble session into the real question is pissing me off and making me think you are trying to slide something by me. Just ask the damn question. I also need to add that I really despise being cornered with an onslaught of questions of what I am doing on a certain day at this certain time, with whom, etc, ad nausea. You need help with something? Just ask. Don’t try to coral or guilt me into it. 7) English and Math. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Our society has become so bad at speaking let alone writing our chosen language that we are turning into piss poor communicators. Sure we can all speak but a lot of us don’t speak well enough to convey a point. If there is no point, no moral or no direction to what you are saying then you are just making noise and sucking up oxygen. Using big words where a small word will do makes you look like an ass to the rest of us mouth breathers. Quit being an ass. All through high school I sucked at math. X is a letter, as is Y and has no place in math. I finally figured out why I was so bad at math. There was no application I could find for wanting to know if something was greater than or less than at that time in my life. I now use math almost every minute of every day on things that interest me. Hydraulic pressure, air pressure, volumes, rpm’s, gear reductions, cyclical rates, conversions. These are things I need to know and in my business close enough works for most of what we do. It’s math that can be utilized for an actual use and I enjoy applying it. It disturbs me to see people who do not know how to calculate simple volumes. The type of math the people in construction use everyday for ordering concrete, fuel, materials. If you can’t do the math or won’t even try I hate to say it but enjoy your career in the fast food industry. 8) Move. I don’t care where you move to just get out of the way. You know who you are. You are the people who drive down the middle of the aisles in parking lot looking for that magical parking place that will make all your dreams come true. Oblivious to anyone or anything around you hoard the center of the road waiting for your moment to pounce on the perfect parking place even though a 20 step walk from the near empty part of the lot is right there-20 steps away. No signal. No plan and No clue. You exist solely for your selfish existence and pay no heed to the chaos YOU have created. Move! I’m postulating that these are the same people who block the store aisles with their carts or body’s as if annoying and inconveniencing every person in the store is your right or mission. Hike up your MooMoo, shove another cupcake in your screaming child’s fat face and MOVE! I don’t know whether to pity you because you are stupid or despise you because you are ignorant-and likely stupid. 9) Put down the cell phone! I see you trying to hide the fact that you’re talking on your cell phone while driving. Everyone sees it. We also see how that while doing this you can’t keep your vehicle in its lane. You’re a horrible driver. You would have trouble driving without the cell phone distraction but there you are doing two things you likely suck at. Driving and talking. Put it down and focus what little mental ability you have on arriving home safely so you can ignore your children and place Farmville all night. Another thing- we go out for dinner and you can’t stop looking at your phone. Sorry for boring you jackass. Try a wrist watch if you want to be subtle about checking the time or don’t go out for dinner with us. You know what would be entertaining and lessen your boredom? Me-having a heart attack from chasing you around the restaurant while trying shove your cell phone up your butt. I’ve had a few drinks and I’m willing to give it the old college try. You’re going to look silly pushing on your gut to check or send incoming texts but I’ll be chuckling from my ambulance gurney. Shit head! 10) Please and Thank you. Try it. It is so simple to say thank you when someone holds a door open for you or lets you go in front of them at the grocery store because you only have a few items. Just say, ‘thanks’. Life is easier when we don’t allow the Douchebags and entitlement whores win by being stupid. I feel better, slightly.