Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Come Gather Around the Holiday Tree.
We as a continent have given up our spines and have forced ourselves to kowtow to the Birkenstock wearing, granola guzzling twits who have deviously, as a minority, somehow made society feel bad about saying what they want. CHRISTMAS TREE. There I said it. I will continue to say it and be pronounced a heretic until the day I am hung on a, ‘t’ (we can’t say cross can we due to religious inference?) and forced to consume tofu and bean sprouts until I pass into the next phase of my carbon footprint- I likely can’t say, ‘until I die and pass through the Pearly Gates’-that’s radical thinking. You know me; I’m a radical Christian zealot. Oh Christmas Tree. Oh Tannenbaum. Why are you being forsaken? Some self proclaimed righters of wrong have declared you a public menace. Your days as a symbol of the most hopeful day of the year are being whittled away. This may be the first step into madness. Next, inexplicably and without our consent owning a Christmas or Holiday Tree will be a punishable offence. ‘Death by Tofu!’ will be their rallying cry. Save a Tree-kill a human! This is the problem with people that believe that Christmas Trees are now to be called Holiday Trees. If they win their fight, they will move on to having something else banned because it offends them in some way. It will never end and we let it happen. Tell you what. I am offended by their being offended. The offensiveness of their offending is oppressively onerous and off-putting to oafs such as me. Does that mean anything? Nope, but I don’t care. If narrow minded morons can have their say then this narrow minded moron wants his. Does that offend you? Guess what. I DON’T CARE! Christmas Tree-Christmas Tree- Christmas Tree! God- God- God. National Anthem –National Anthem-National Anthem. Have I offended? Hang on to your butts because this pig just grew wings. This Holiday Tree thing is just a small item. It should be a non issue. Matters like this start small. We dismiss them and think, “What jerkass came up with that idea and what jackass politician would listen to them?” Next thing you know something has been banned or deemed inappropriate for all because of the whining of some. They natter. They call and they inundate the powers that be until they get what they want. They cause a rift or a crack. When they get what they want they start on something new. It won’t stop. After a while we sit around with our thumbs up our butts and just give up. Not me. Not this guy. It may be a small revolution but it’s my revolution. I’m saying Christmas. I’m saying Christmas Tree. I don’t usually have a Christmas tree because I spend Christmas in some shit hole Mexican Bar singing horribly butchered Spanglish Christmas Carols but I refuse to let some causist do gooder take away what I believe in. Kiss my hairy butt do gooder. Go eat your tofu turkey under your Holiday Tree you turd of a human being. Maybe I’m exaggerating a tiny bit. Maybe I’m not. I refuse to placate some self righteous do gooder with no clue just to keep the Peace. No way. Not going to happen. We have to fight these people. The, ‘Seasons Greetings’ sayers, the ‘Holiday Tree’ morons must be beaten back to their Fairy Tale World. They must return to their unicorns and Happy Happy Bunnies of LaLa Land. Have I offended you yet? Good. Merry Christmas to All. Vive La Christmas Tree!